Not Happy...

I don't know what it is lately, but I have been feeling really out of sorts. Restless, and irritable, and frustrated with my life and with my MacWorld. And yes, frustrated with my family. I know it's not their fault, but I feel so out of control right now.

I guess it started when we got back from Cape Cod. We had a week of "no-school, no-camp" time that just left Sutton and Daddy home together. But, when we got home from the Cape, the sleeping situation got really bad.

See, when we were staying in Cape Cod, Sutton shared a room with his grandma. So he got used to having company in his room. But when we got home, he had to go back to sleeping in his room alone. And I don't think he liked it. He would get up several times at night, crying. And then it would come into our room. I was on this kick of "let's take the gate down and see if he can stay in his room like a big boy." Turns out...he couldn't. Fast forward to almost one whole week of him getting up night after night. After one night of his getting up at 12:30, 1:30, 3:30, 5:30, and having to be up for work at 6, I decided to try putting the gate on the INSIDE of his door. Yeah, he learned not only how to climb the gate, but how to pull it down too.

So, now we installed a higher gate; one we used to use for the top of the stairs when we lived in a two-story house. It was an improvement...until this morning, when at 6:30, I heard him unlatch the gate and let himself out. Crap.

We've also been having quite a few issues with listening. Like today at swimming class-which is NOT going well. He refuses to do anything that the teacher or I ask. He won't kick his feet, he won't blow bubbles, he won't put his face in the water, etc. The only thing he likes to do is get out of the pool, run to the deep end, and throw toys into the deeper water. And today, he wanted to RUN around the entire pool. The teacher had to catch him, because I couldn't. So he ended up in timeout in the corner.

I know this is typical behavior for a two-year-old, it is SO frustrating to deal with Sutton sometimes. I find myself yelling, threatening, putting him in timeouts, etc. And then I have to take a time-out, because I get so angry. My dad keeps telling me that this is normal; little boys just act out sometimes. But I feel like he is SO strong willed and high spirited, that either there is something wrong with him, or there is something wrong with Dave's and my parenting skills. Because sometimes, I just don't know what to do with him.

And then he gets contrite, and comes to kiss me, saying "I sorry, Mama. I didn't mean to hit you." And then I feel so horrible for yelling, and being angry.

Then there's the work situation for Dave. He still hasn't found a new job. Now, that's not for lack of trying. But it freaks me out, because we need both incomes in order to pay for bills, rent, food, etc. The thought of trying to pay for all of that on my salary alone makes me tear up, and I get a knot of worry in the pit of my stomach.

AND, to top it all off, we were told that the house we are renting is being put up for a short sale. AGAIN. Two times in as many years. So, when this lease is up (or the owner sells the house, or goes into foreclosure) we have to figure out where we are going to live. And hopefully, by then, Dave will have some kind of job, because I don't know if we can qualify for any kind of mortgage or rent on my salary alone.

It's a lot on my plate and on my mind at one time. And I've been trying to hold it all together. But Dave knows me too well, and sees the worry lines on my face and the tearstains on my cheeks. And I feel so bad for stressing, because none of this is his fault. And he feels bad, because he hates causing me stress or pain.

So that's what making me unhappy.